


Flowers that suffocate me

by Themooncat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternative Universe - Hanahaki disease, Fluffy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei Friendship, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 14:53:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14138361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themooncat/pseuds/Themooncat
Summary: "Tsukishima Kei promised himself that he would never love someone. That he wouldn't let himself get too close to people. He didn't want to go through what his Mum and brother had went through.Tsukishima was able to follow through with that promise for around 10 years. Yet here he was on the floor of his bathroom clutching a bin while he hurls a bouquet of flowers."





	Flowers that suffocate me

**Author's Note:**

> Original hanahaki disease: An illness born from unrequited love. Flowers bloom and grow in the afflicted persons lungs causing the victim to cough up petals. If the love is left unreciprocated the petals fill the lungs leading to their eventual death. It may be removed by surgery but the feelings go away with the petals. It can also be cured when the love is requited.
> 
> In this story: only a few people in the world get the disease. Maybe 3% only, but as luck would have it Tsukishima’s family have a weird strain of Hanahaki. Where you cough petals if your love really is genuinely unrequited but they cough petals and full flowers if it’s just the afflicted person who believes that their love is unrequited (mind over matter) but the problem is is that none of his family members knew about the difference as they either got the surgery, their love was returned or they died.

Tsukishima Kei promised himself that he would never love someone. That he wouldn't let himself get too close to people. He didn't want to go through what his Mum and brother had went through. The only person who he was close to was his brother Akiteru and Yamaguchi, who was pretty much his little brother. They've known each other since elementary, he was there when his mother was ‘ _sick_ ’ and has stuck with him ever since.

 

Tsukishima was able to follow through with that promise for around 10 years. Yet here he was on the floor of his bathroom clutching a bin while he hurls a bouquet of yellow hyacinth, forget-me-nots, daisies, red chrysanthemums, red carnations and ambrosias. Six different flowers. Tsukishima glared at them through his tears. _Why? Why is there so much? And WHY did it have to be him?!?_ He was glad his brother was on a trip and couldn’t see him like this. _It just had to be him, didn’t it? A man I can never have and who will NEVER feel the same way._

 

He tried to clear his mind, knowing that he wouldn’t cough as much if he thought of something else instead of him. He picked up the stray petals and flowers and threw them in the bin. Placing it back into the bathroom before crawling into bed. Tears still falling down his face, he went to sleep. He didn’t want to go to the training camp tomorrow.

 

He woke up to his alarm. It was 5:20 am. Dragged himself out of bed and went to the bathroom to freshen up and get changed, he put on a mask. He got his bags and the bin’s plastic bag. Dumped the plastic bag in the compost and walked to the school. He met up with Yamaguchi and was thankful he didn’t say anything on the way to school. The team was already loading themselves onto the bus. His heart clenched, it felt as though someone was squeezing it in their hands and Tsukishima had trouble breathing. Yamaguchi noticed the change in Tsukishima and rubbed soothing circles on his back, ushering him onto the bus and to the back so no one would see him.

 

“Tsukishima, you didn’t have to go to the camp. I- I don’t want to see you suffer” Yamaguchi’s voice was so soft that Tsukishima almost didn’t hear him. He took yamaguchi’s hand and gave it a small squeeze before letting go.

 

“I’d suffer either way.” Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima with tears in his eyes. It was the first time Tsukishima let Yamaguchi rest his head on his shoulder, he didn’t even complain when a wet patch formed.

 

The Bus stopped. They’ve arrived at Nekoma high school school. Tsukishima’s stomach fell, he didn’t want to go out. Yamaguchi sensed Tsukishima’s nerves and took his hand, leading him off the bus and standing in front of him, trying to shield him from the others.

 

“Hey, hey, hey! Karasuno! How’s it going?” _Oh that voice._ Tsukishima looked away trying hard to push down the clump building in his throat. Yamaguchi told Sugawara that he and Tsukishima were going to put their stuff away. Hinata joined them, much to Tsukishima’s dismay. Once in the room Hinata spoke up.

 

“What’s wrong Tsukishima?” He didn’t look at him, instead concentrating on unpacking his bag and setting up his futon. “Nothing”

 

“No, it’s not nothing. You’ve been acting weird ever since the last Training camp. Which was 2 months ago. Something happened. I know you may not feel the same but I consider you as my friend and I am worried about you! Please, I just want to help you.”

 

Luck was not on Tsukishima’s side. He coughed, a combination of petals and flowers burst out slipping out of the mask and onto the floor. Hinata’s eyes widened. Yamaguchi ran for the door and locked it in case anyone came in and saw Tsukishima. Poor hinata didn’t know what was going on and panicked rushing to Tsukishima’s side and freaking out. “WHAT? WHERE’D THE FLOWERS COME FROM? WHAT’S HAPPENING? ARE YOU OK?” Yamaguchi grabbed a bin on the way back handing it to Tsukishima and rubbing circles on his back.

 

“Hinata what I am about to tell you, you can not, I repeat NOT repeat to anyone else understood?” Yamaguchi asked. His voice broke trying to keep himself from crying. Hinata calmed himself down and nodded his head. “There’s a disease that only 3% of the world have. It’s called the hanahaki disease. Tsukishima’s family has it but unfortunately his seems to be of a different strain.” Yamaguchi caught Hinata’s confused face, “Hanahaki disease is an illness born from unrequited love. Flowers bloom and grow in the afflicted persons lungs causing the victim to cough up flower petals. If the love is left unreciprocated the petals fill the lungs leading to their eventual death. It may be removed by surgery but the feelings go away with the petals. It can also be cured when the love is requited. Hower Tsukishima’s is different as there hasn’t ever been a case where they cough up both petals and full flowers or even multiple flower types. His family has either had their love reciprocated, got the surgery or died. So we still aren’t exactly sure why his is different. His brother doesn’t know about this, no one does except me and now you.”

 

Hinata nodded showing he understood, he looked at Tsukishima sympathetically and Tsukishima hated it. _I’m pathetic._ “Who is it?” They froze at Hinata’s question. Of course they knew that Hinata would want to know but… Tsukishima’s never said it out loud. Yamaguchi had guessed the first time he saw Tsukishima cough out petals and the blond just nodded to confirm. Tsukishima coughed even more, the flowers scratched his throat on their way out making his voice hoarse. “It- It’s Kuroo”

 

“How long till it-” Hinata cleared his throat “how long do you have?”

 

“Probably a month. If I’m lucky.”

Hinata jumped up and hugged Tsukishima. “Why? Why didn’t you tell anyone? Have you thought of trying to confess to him? He might-”

 

“No.” Tsukishima rasped right before another round of coughs escaped him. “He- *cough* He has someone else he likes. Besides wh-*cough* who would-*gasp* want me any-*cough* anyway?”  

Hinata was about to say something but Tsukishima interrupted him “I’m not getting surgery. *cough* It’s expensive and- and I don’t want to lose this.”

 

The room was quiet, Yamaguchi texted Suga telling him they’d be at the practice soon, they just needed some time alone. “Hey guys, we have to go soon. Practice is starting.”

 

“Is Tsukishima even able to play?”

 

Tsukishima rolled his eyes “I’m able to play, I’m not weak. As long as I don’t think about him. I’ll be fine. But I’ll have to wear a mask.” they stood up and headed down to the gym. Tsukishima emptied the bin on the way.

 

Stepping into the gym made Tsukishima feel uneasy but he schooled his features and cleared his mind. He was here to help his team. _Just pretend he’s someone else._ He scoffed at himself _Easier said than done._ Especially when Kuroo is the way he is. But Yamaguchi and Hinata now had his back. When they walked onto the court Hinata helped distract Tsukishima so that he wouldn't have to reply to Kuroo’s attempts at getting the blonds attention. Playing was easy as his mind was concentrated on the game. He just had to avoid looking at the smirks Kuroo would send when his spikes broke his blocks. Nekoma won the first match. Tsukishima hated that he was at the front of the net at that moment. If he wasn't he wouldn't have seen the way Kuroo dragged Kenma close to him and kissed his head despite the smaller ones protests. He tried to get away while holding the cough that was about to erupt when he heard it. “Awww! I'm hurt Kenma. I love you, so let me love you!” I  Love You. Words that Tsukishima longed to hear (even if he won't admit it) but it wasn't for him. He wants to believe it was just a joke. But when he dared to glance back and saw the genuine look of hurt in Kuroo's eyes, he knew it wasn't. He barely heard his team mates asking him where he was going. Or the frantic calls from Yamaguchi or Hinata. All sounds were muffled and the ball in his throat disappeared. He thought he was alright for a moment. A very short moment, when a piercing pain shot through his heart causing him to cry out. He collapsed on the floor due to the pain. His vision was fading. The last thing he saw was a blurred figure rushing to his side, calling his name. _If only it really was Kuroo calling my name._

Tsukishima couldn’t tell what was happening to him, his chest hurt and he couldn’t seem to open his eyes. He let the darkness wash over him, too tired to fight it. _I love you. I’m sorry._

 

\---

 

Tsukishima felt something brush through his hair and a soft murmur coming from above him his eyes fluttered open and was shocked when he saw kuroo’s face above him. His body felt so heavy he couldn’t move, and he didn’t really want to move seeing he was laying in between Kuroo’s legs while he brushed his hair with his fingers.

“Hey, it’s alright. You’re alright babe. Did you have a nightmare?”

 _Babe?_ Tsukishima tried to see where he was but there was nothing around them. They were in an empty white room that had no doors or windows. _Oh. It's a dream, that explains the ‘babe’._ He looked back up at Kuroo and tried to sit up, he did but was immediately pulled back into Kuroo’s embrace. Tsukishima loved the feeling and couldn't help but snuggle into his arms. _Just let me have this at least._

 

“Why didn't you ever tell me?”

 

Tsukishima stiffened at the question, knowing exactly what this Kuroo was talking about.

 

“Would you really rather die than see if you had a chance with me?” Kuroo kissed tsukishima’s shoulder.

 

“I would have rather died with the thought that you could have loved me than confess and be rejected… I'm not sure if I could have handled it.”

 

“I do love you”

 

“ **You** might but **he** doesn't. If this is what I get to see when I die then I wouldn't mind this.”

 

“What do you mean I do but he doesn't?”

 

“This isn't real. I know that. You might love me here but the real you doesn't. How can the real you love me anyway? I'm tall, snarky and an asshole. I'm not small or soft. He loves someone else.”

 

“And who would that be?”

 

“Kenma”

 

Kuroo chuckled. “Kenma’s only a friend, a brother even, nothing more.”

 

 _Yeah, sure. Of course_ **_you_ ** _would say that._ Tsukishima didn't voice his thoughts.

 

Kuroo sighed. “Hanahaki is a mysterious disease. Only a few have it and even then everyone has a different flower. Have you ever wondered why you have more than one flower? Did your mum or brother have more than one when they had theirs??”

 

Tsukishima tried to recall the memories he had pushed back. When his father died his Mum got hanahaki. When she died they found that the flower petals were from Red spider lilies. His brother, who had fallen in love with a girl that never loved him and only led him on, had Begonias. He even tried recalling the stories of his older relatives when they experienced hanahaki, All had only one type of flower. And even then when they were coughed out it was the petals only, the full flowers stayed in their lungs. Tsukishima moved out of Kuroo’s hold and turned to look at him. “They've only ever had one. But I don't get it why do I have more than one flower then? And why am I coughing out the full flowers as well??”

 

“Have you ever thought of searching up what your flowers meant?”

 

“I- I couldn't bring myself to. It was pathetic enough that I loved someone I could never have. I didn't want to know how badly I had it.”

 

Kuroo hummed in understanding. “Answer me truthfully, please. If you had the chance to see Kuroo one more time, would you confess to him? Would you kiss him when you tell him how you feel so that you would at least have one good memory before you go?”

 

Tsukishima fiddled with his fingers. _Shit_. He didn't answer for a while, he was debating with himself, would he really do it? Should he really do it? “I- … Yeah, I would like to. If it was the last thing I get to do, sure.”

 

“Then make sure you do that.”

 

Tsukishima narrowed his eyes and looked at it him as though he was crazy. He opened his mouth to say something when Kuroo spoke. “Tsukishima.” At least he heard Kuroo’s voice, Kuroo's mouth remained closed and he slowly vanished. “Can you hear me Tsukishima? Are you listening?”

 

“What?” Tsukishima stood up and walked around the room trying to see if he could find the source of the voice.

 

“Please open your eyes. I love you, I don't want to lose you. Not now. Not when you think I don't love you. I do, I love you so please open your eyes.”

 

Tsukishima’s head throbbed and his chest tightened. The white walls turned black till he was surrounded in darkness he couldn't see anything not even his own body. He closed his eyes but couldn't seem to open them again. His eyelids felt heavy. The throbbing of his head diminished but a clump started forming in his throat.

 

He slowly felt his eyes flutter and tried to open them. He realised he was laying down, something was holding his hand but he couldn't see it. He tried to open his eyes again and squinted as his eyes adjusted. He was in a hospital,  judging from the IV and heart monitor he saw, the room he was in was dimly lit, the only light source coming from the small bedside light. He looked down at his hand to see Kuroo holding it with his forehead resting on it, asleep in a chair set up on the side of his bed. _Wasn't he calling me just a while ago? Or was that part of the dream?_ He saw a clock on the wall that read it was 3 in the morning. _Right dreams seem short but actually last for a long time… how long was I out?_ He looked back at the sleeping Kuroo, He couldn’t help himself he reached out, with his free hand, and carded his fingers through his hair. His heart fluttered feeling the soft hair run through his fingers and he tried his best to hold in the cough that was about to come out. He remembered his conversation with the _other Kuroo_ and retracted the hand in Kuroo’s hair to cover his mouth as he coughed. The petals fell and Tsukishima teared up seeing the flowers fall near Kuroo.

 

“I love you”

 

It was whispered but Kuroo stirred and slowly sat up. Stretching himself out and looked at Tsukishima. He didn’t seem to realise that he was awake as he just stared at him for a couple of seconds before jumping up and hugging Tsukishima. “Oh thank god! You’re awake!” he let go and turned to leave “I should call the nurse or Yamagu-” Kuroo stopped talking when Tsukishima grabbed his hand.

 

“Don’t. I- I want to talk to you if that’s alright.” Tsukishima was thankful he didn’t cough.

 

“Yeah, yeah of course.” Kuroo sat back down in the chair. Tsukishima didn’t let go of Kuroo.

 

“Ummm, first, could I ask why are you here?”

 

“Oh. I wanted to stay and the nurse allowed me. The others are staying in a hotel near the hospital.”

 

 _That doesn’t really answer my question._ Tsukishima nodded. He had to use all his strength to look Kuroo in the eye. His heart was beating fast and loud. “Kuroo, I want you to listen to me properly cause i need to tell you something important.”

 

Kuroo opened his mouth to say something but Tsukishima raised a hand up to stop him. “Please. I need to get this out.” Kuroo closed his mouth and nodded.

 

“I’m sorry you’re here in the hospital taking care of me. I’m sure the doctor told you what’s wrong with me. I caused a lot of trouble and worried the teams. It is all my fault. I- I love you. And it’s because of that that I’m in this mess. I knew I could never have you and I tried to stop feeling the way I do but it just made things worse. I can’t stop loving you and I’m sorry.” Tsukishima coughed more flowers pooling on his lap and some fell onto Kuroo. “You don’t have to respond. I don’t want your sympathy. I just wanted you to know. Is- Is it alright if I can at least kiss you once... before I go?” Tsukishima’s heart clenched when Kuroo closed his eyes and shook his head. Kuroo let a out soft laugh still shaking his head. He looked back up at Tsukishima.

 

“No.”

 

Tsukishima felt a tear run down his face and looked down at the petals on the bed. _Of course, what did I expect?_

 

“You’re wrong.” he lifted Tsukishima’s head, the blond looked confused at his words, tears running down his face. “You can have me. I don’t know why you have convinced yourself that you can’t have me, but you can. I love you. No, I’m not just saying that to make you feel better, I really do love you. I have ever since the first training camp.You are strong, different and beautiful. I love everything about you so don’t go anywhere.”

 

Tsukishima didn’t know whether or not he should believe him. His face must have gave away his thoughts as Kuroo chuckled and asked “What can I do to make you believe me? Tell me and I’ll do it.”

 

“K-kiss me.”  

 

Kuroo’s smile was so soft and gentle as he lent in and kissed Tsukishima with a kiss that showed all his love and feelings. Both were blushing when he pulled away .

 

“The doctor told me what the flowers represent. Would you like to know their meanings?”

 

Tsukishima looked at the petals, the beautiful but deadly bunch. “Sure.”  

 

“The red Chrysanthemums mean  _I Love You_ , the Forget-me-nots'  _True love_ and Red Carnations mean  _You’re a flame in my heart_. They show how much you care for me.” Tsukishima blushed and looked away, embarrassed. Kuroo smiled and held Tsukishima’s hand, his thumb stroking the back of Tsukishima’s hand. “The Daisies meant _I’ll never tell_ and Yellow Hyacinths were  _Jealousy._ The last flower is the most important.” Tsukishima looked back at Kuroo and couldn't keep the apologetic look off his face. Kuroo squeezed Tsukishima’s hand in comfort. “It’s alright. The last flower, Ambrosia, mean _Your love is reciprocated_.”

 

Tsukishima’s eyes widened. He looked down and glared at his flower covered lap. “I’m so sorry. I’m so pathetic I put this on myself. I should’ve- I-” Kuroo slipped into the bed and pulled Tsukishima into his lap. Rubbing Tsukishima’s arms, trying to calm him down.

 

“Hey, It’s ok. No one blames you. It’s not your fault and you’re not pathetic. You didn’t know. It’s fine.” he hugged Tsukishima and kissed the top of his head. “You need to rest. I’ll stay beside you and I’ll be here when you wake up.”

 

Tsukishima nodded and slid out of Kuroo’s lap but stopped kuroo from getting out of bed. “Stay in the bed with me. Please.” Kuroo smiled and nodded getting back under the covers. Tsukishima snuggled up next to kuroo (but will deny it if he brought it up) and rested his head on Kuroo’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. “I love you, Tetsurou.” Tsukishima whispered but knew that Kuroo heard as he received an “I love you, Kei.” and a hand running through his hair, lulling him to sleep.

 

When Tsukishima woke up Kuroo was still asleep but woke up when Yamaguchi and Hinata ran into the room and burst into tears, happy to see that Tsukishima was looking better. They jumped onto the bed, hugging Tsukishima and crushing Kuroo. The nurse saved them both when she announced that they would have to examine Tsukishima to see if he was free of the hanahaki disease. The examination was shorter than Tsukishima expected but the results were what he had expected. He was free of hanahaki.  

On the bus back to Nekoma Tsukishima sat next to Kuroo but wasn’t really able to talk to him as he was pestered by Yamaguchi, Hinata and Suga. Takeda and Ukai were still worried about Tsukishima so let him sit out on the practice that day. Kuroo would steal some glances at Tsukishima and gave occasional winks and mouthed _I love you_ ’s making Kei blush and causing Kuroo to get a ball in his face at least twice. After practice and everyone went to bed Kuroo took Tsukishima on a night stroll. Took him up the hill and watched the stars. The moon was full and bright. They exchanged numbers and Tsukishima promised Kuroo that they would skype as often as they could. Kuroo walked Tsukishima back to his room giving him a parting kiss before heading back to his own room. On the last day of the training camp Tsukishima was the last one to get on the bus as Kuroo wouldn’t stop hugging him, despite his protests and struggling.

 

“I said I’ll call when I get home, get off, they can see us.”

 

“Just give me a couple more seconds please, Kei.”

 

“Fine” Tsukishima relaxed and hugged Kuroo back.

 

“I’ll skype you tonight.”

 

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, a light blush hidden by his glasses. “I’ll talk to you later.”   

 

Tsukishima went onto the bus. He wished he could stay longer but unfortunately he had to get back home. His brother had texted him saying that he was back and that they ‘needed to talk’. Tsukishima prepared himself for whatever lecture his brother had in store for him. But he wasn’t prepared for his brother to hug him with tears in his eyes. He explained everything to his brother, ensuring him that he was alright now and apologised for not telling him. Akiteru joined him when Kuroo skyped.

Akiteru being the big brother that he is told Kuroo embarrassing stories about Kei. Seeing the joy on Kuroo’s face is what stopped Kei from stopping his brother. They talked for over an hour until Kei couldn’t take it anymore, he stood up and dragged Akiteru out of the room. He wanted some alone time with Kuroo. They exchanged witty banter and Kuroo told Kei his own embarrassing stories that made him laugh out loud. Tsukishima started to get tired and fell asleep while talking to Kuroo. The Skype video still on.

He wasn’t sure if it really happened or if he dreamt it, he heard Kuroo singing. He slept with a smile on his face and looking forward to the next time he gets to see that crazy bed of hair.

**Author's Note:**

> Flower meanings: Red Carnations- You’re a flame in my heart, Ambrosia - Your love is reciprocated, Yellow Hayacinth - Jealousy, Forget-me-nots - True love, Daisies - loyal love/I’ll never tell, Red Crysanthemum - I Love You, Begonia - Beware, Red spider lilies - Never to meet again/Lost memories/abandonment.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it! Sorry if there are some mistakes I posted this at 2 am. 
> 
> I might make a Kuroo POV of this story... might. Not sure if I would just put it as another chapter here or if I should post it separately. 
> 
>  
> 
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